August - 2010
Sunday, August 01, 2010
10:30 pm I thank God for thunderstorms. They are so "vicious delicious". Only 30 minutes ago the strong storm rolled in from the north. It was an unusual experience for me because for several minutes the rain came down hard in the street but nothing fell on the sidewalk and the driveway was completely dry.
After the rain, and especially the lightning, became vicious I closed the garage door and came inside to watch the storm in the safety of the house.
David invited me to Los Mexicano's today. Today was Friendship Sunday. I did enjoy the social fellowship. I have been struggling with self-consciousness. I will heal and be whole. My thoughts will be clean and healthy. I love to live for Jesus. All is well for me. I will demonstrate my gratitude to You, Lord.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
8:30 am The Lord is my provider and has not failed me. Rent has not been late and this week I paid one day early. Yesterday I started out $9.00 short, but by the end of the day I was able to pay all of this week's rent and even some toward next week's rent, with enough left over for tithes and spending money.
Tithes must come before anything else, no matter what. First Fruit is top priority. Dee's car broke down last night and I am working to fix it now.
10:00 pm Whatever the history of Gideon, God chose him to deliver the People. The Israelites turned away from God again, to do evil, even to worship the gods of the heathen nations that still inhabited some of the land around them. The only reason that I know of as to why these nations still existed was because the Israelites didn't have enough population yet to tend to all of the land.
We are still following after the patterns of the early People of God in that we tend to be tempted by the ways of the wayward people, the very people that tent to our excess. As the generations passed we spread out to inhabit the earth, taking our ways of life with us. Now the nations are mixed in so much that there aren't many places that remain solely of one culture.
No matter the reason God chose Gideon to deliver the People, it was because of the People cried out to God as the Mideonites' oppression. God did heed their call.
My life has patterned after this fashion. I can see this pattern as I learn and read from the Bible and effect on my life. I realize that I can cry out to God in regards to the oppression of the ways of this country and the laws that weigh against me. God has been faithful to deliver me. I realize, too, that if I remain faithful to His way I will remain free of this oppression.
Monday, August 09, 2010
10:00 pm Everything that happens, I mean EVERYTHING, in because of what your commition OR by your omission, Lord. You are always in complete control of all that occurs. Nothing is by chance, or by any random occurrence. I want to always be in Your good graces for the purpose of protection and peace. All good things are only recognized and appreciated by comparison to that which is less than.
Whatever Your will for me, only keep me close to You and never let me go away from You. I recognize that I need You always. Remind me if I forget. Don't ever let me go.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
9:18 pm I was just reading Judges 15 about Samson and some of the mighty things he had done. Sometimes it was written that the Spirit of the Lord came upon him mightily, but sometimes it was not written. From birth Samson was appointed as one with great strength by God.
I recognized something that makes sense. If we all had great power of one type or another, it would be true that many of us would abuse that power. Some people are in a position of influence and trust and that power is very often abused. I understand why some things are not now as they once were. I understand now why so many things of God's great power are kept from many of us. I do know that if we are faithful with smaller things, greater things will be put in our trust. God will help us grow in this manner, we need to be willing to fully obey Him as we learn His will for us.
Friday, August 13, 2010
7:30 am I was offered full-time work for Dimos, but I talked to Tassos. I thought about it. Dimos said he would give me an apartment for $75.00 a week, just like I pay at Dee's house. That did pique my interest because I feel unwanted at Dee's house sometimes.
After prayer and much thinking, I made a decision to stay with Tassos for now. I am not ready to work full time because of my foot. I might try hard and hurt my foot worse. I could lose the full time job and end up with no work at all. Tassos is helping me as I heal my foot and grow stronger. I will stay with Tassos for the rest of the year.
10:30 pm God has blessed me with financial stability; not more than I can handle and not as low as to be lacking and in struggle. Lately I have experienced crafty attacks on my financial stability. There methods are subtle, almost unperceivable, or unidentifiable as such. They have tested my sense of priority and have appealed to my past desires.
Sometimes people have to pay directly for the poor choices when given little time for scrutiny. It is possible that is the case with me. It could be that I will be required to work extra hard to compensate for these mistakes. To work extra hard right now is a risk to my injury, but I will not indulge in the substance. I will choose to pay for the Tom Petty concert, as agreed, but I will not attend. I will choose to pay for the "weed", as agreed, but I will not smoke any of it. I will keep a sound mind and I will be ever watchful to prevent further error. I will be quick to identify and overcome further attacks. By Gods hand, I am an overcommer.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
8:00 am It feels like I am back to the "drawing board" with my financial stability. The $75.00 I could use to improve my business phone is going to be used for a Tom Petty concert. the concert may have to be with little or no concession money because $75.00 in 4 weeks amounts to $20.00 a week, and that's about all I can hope to be able to save with my very limited income right now.
God makes our crooked ways straight. I have an idea that this principal works best when we have our focus on His kingdom and righteousness. In my situation I think it means that I will need to somehow keep this whole thing clean. It means I have to keep my focus straight, and I need to refrain from additional sin.
I can't smoke weed just because I asked Dee about it, and even agreed to pitch in on the cost. I can't get drunk at the concert, even if I do go to it. It's possible that other challenges my come up, maybe even unforeseen ones. To be prepared for these, I need to keep my heart right. To do that, I need to keep focused on His kingdom and righteousness.
9:00 am Everybody has to learn SOMETHING. The learning don't come when somebody says something. The learning comes when it's said over and over again and when things get impossibly tough and THEN it is remembered what was said. The learning comes when all that's left is the one thing that hasn't been tried is tried and actually works. It may not have worked until just when all else has not worked and it's all that's left. Learning comes from the end to the beginning, from the bottom, up. Learning comes when it has a foundation that is not easily forgotten. Don't despise the tough times. The tough times are where we learn. Learning comes from the ashes of trial and error.
9:00 pm Things are easier right now, but it ain't because the world has ceased in the pressing against me, not when led by the enemy of God. It is easier only because of the pressing forward, no matter what, toward the victory... the victory not only for the immediate battle or current challenge, but the victory for life, and that more abundant. I will not fail because I will not surrender.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
12:30 pm Nobody can see clearly the future unless the Lord shows them. Even then, how sure am I? How is my faith? How good is my ear to hear if it be the Lords will or the enemy imitating the voice of God?
I know to do good and when I am able, I will do it. I know to not do evil, even when a new situation comes because the Lord puts a feeling inside of me. I know this feeling and it cannot be substituted for any other feeling, nor can it be confused to interpret as fear, uncertainty, or any other emotion. This feeling is not an emotion. It is not guilt and it is not regret. When I feel this thing of the Lord, I know it will direct me. If I do contrary to this guidance, I experience conviction; not guilt or regret, or any emotion.
The Lord leads me to remain with Tassos. This direction threatens to leave me in a condition that is equal to financial poverty and yet the Lord continues to provide for me cloths, shelter, and food... never late by appointment or need.
I don't have the freedom to splurge or to purchase entertainment. Such freedom has so far been a direct result of bondage for me, so I do not yield to such desires anymore.
The uncertainty I speak of is about Tassos. Will he be alright for 40 years? Will he be alright for 4 years? Will I pass all of the good job offers while I tarry with Tassos, or is the very best yet to come? What will become of Tassos' family? My heart goes out to them. Everything will come together in good because the Lord will bless them - I know. It is His Word. It is His promise. It is His Will.
8:30 PM Tassos Had a stroke today and I agreed to help his family as I am able. I can drive them to grocery store, hospital, etc. I can work and help if they need something. I don't know anything yet about how long, but I will help anyway, no matter how long.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
1:30 AM I am still awake. I think about Tassos. At the hospital there was a breakthrough. Tassos smallest child, Marina, trusted me for the first time. She wanted mommy, but mommy was in a restricted area, with Tassos. When the nurse came, she permitted me to bring Marina to Tassos and Arlene, Marina's parents. Marina hesitated, then took my hand for me to lead her to them.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
10:30 am Dimos canceled work today. He said maybe Monday. Before he called me to cancel, I bought minutes for my phone and I bought food. After that, I went to Richard's house and told him that I am glad that Dimos is giving me work so soon because I need rent money for Tuesday.
After all that happened, I am not sure now where the rent money will come from. David said that Image Media might have work for me this weekend. I hope they do and I hope David can give me the paycheck on Tuesday instead of Thursday. I believe that I will never be late for rent, not even once. I hope that I don't get behind on anything and that I don't have lack in any area of my life.
I was able to cancel the Tom Petty concert. I felt uneasy about that all along and with Tassos in the hospital, money matters will likely remain uncertain. The only thing I am certain about is that God will supply all my need according to His riches in glory. It is so important for me to understand what is best for God's glory because that will be the way He responds to my need. Whatever brings the most glory to Him.
I write this journal because I can reflect back as time goes on and I can see how God is working in my life. It will help me to better understand His way. I need to learn more of Him so that I can better respond to His will. The two of us living harmoniously will assure me that everything is in His hands and that I am not wandering aimlessly about.
9:30 PM I have been uneasy today because of work. I have not found any work yet, and I don't know how all of this will come together. Tassos is still in the hospital and I don't know how he will fare. I was sad for him when I went to church tonight. I had to use effort to pay attention while I was at church. At the end of the singing, just as Pastor began to speak, Tassos called me. He sounded strong and he said he felt better today.
I don't want Tassos to be in bad health. I don't want him to have surgery, either. I hope he will be well soon. I don't want to fear for him. Lord, I hope You will give him health, strong enough and perfect so that he will not need surgery. I hope You give him long life. Dare I pray that he lives to be 120 years old, and in great health? That is what I hope. That is what I pray... in Jesus' name, amen.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
9:30 AM Yesterday David called from imageMEDIA and offered me some work. I worked 11 hours yesterday, at $10.00 an hour. Today I am doing easy work for imageMEDIA, at $8.00 an hour. David gave me a cash advance of $80.00 toward my upcoming rent. I was able to pay $25.00 toward my rent. I invited my landlady to eat out last night. Today I am a little bit tired, but I am grateful and relieved of concern.
Monday, August 23, 2010
10:30 PM Everything is going to be alright. The reason I know that is because it always has been. No matter what a situation becomes, no matter how bad it seems to be at the time, it is always going to be alright. The worse will always get better and the good will always get tough. This is necessary for my growth. The building and strengthening of a thing is a process of breaking down and filling in the rips with muscle. This is how it works. Therefore, it is good to remember to be thankful for the hard times. With the toughening and strengthening, I can stand strong to overcome things that threaten to overcome me. I am better for it. In all things, I give thanks.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
4:13 PM I feel wonderful. Between the beer and the workout, I feel the wonderful feeling I felt long ago... maybe not so long ago. It is rainy, but only sprinkles. I'm sitting outside and listening to music (Enigma). Surely I must not love this more than that which gives me life. In moderation, everything can be utilized. In excess, nearly everything can result in harm. It is important to not over-indulge, at any time, to a point which will offend someone. Just now I go a call from Jake, an owner of imageMEDIA, asking me to come and look at some work. I could do this work for the next few days, but I need to go now to look at it. I drank 5 beers and just now opened the 6th one. They might that I have been drinking. I hope they do not. More than that, I hope it won't dissuade their confidence in me. I need the work. I will not fall short. I will honor God.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
5:30 AM As it turns out, I would have had enough money for the Tom Petty concert. Even if I did pay for it, I would not have wanted to go and I probably would not have went. The weed was a bad idea. I don't want to speak of it again, not even a mention. It's not hard to refrain from it, so I must remember that it's primary side effect for me is sloth, The thought of it comes to mind almost everyday. I am grateful that it is not so easily accessible as it was in the past. I hope God will keep me in strength to turn it away if it makes itself available in any way. It will most likely come upon me without waring, so I should make myself ready to resist at all times, even when my spirits are low.
