Face Time
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Today's Face Time began with Morning Prayer. After Morning Prayer I thought to study 1 Timothy 1 and share what the Lord gives me through that chapter. This is a common next step. However, today after I got the page set up I felt compelled to begin a personal recovery program for myself, and anyone else who wants to join along. I found the Celebrate Recovery website for the Tampa Bay area, and I want to begin the 12 Steps again, and to work this program into my life for complete recovery and restoration of every part in my life.
First I read Paul's Testimony from my email. This testimony was in my email, and anyone can listen to recorded testimonies by following this link: Testimony Audio
For convenience, the following is the CR Tampa website in a scrolling frame, as follows:
I have been in a 12 Step Program before, and I have a general idea how it should go. I know that the first, and most important way to get a good, solid start is to find a sponsor that I can be accountable to, and to receive guidance from. Today I don't have a sponsor, and I wish to begin. I believe I will find a sponsor soon after I call or contact CR Tampa. Today, I just want to dive right into Step 1 and comment whatever is in my heart.
1.We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.
“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For
I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.”
Romans 7:18
I am powerless over my sin. I invite Jesus into my life, into my soul. I ask that His strength sustain me, and to re-build me through His Word. I confess my sin before all men and God right now, in Jesus' name. I smoked marijuana recently. I had sex to a woman I am not married to recently. I drank a beer recently. I smoked cigarettes recently. I am delivered in Jesus' name, CURRENTLY. I carry that hope with me throughout my recovery and forever, in Jesus' name!
My life had become unmanageable long before I noticed it spiral out of control. What I finally noticed was bad, but it was not the root issues. It was the results of earlier issues left unattended, to grow into a network of dysfunctional living. Each time I inhaled the toxic smoke, I would feel an immediate sense of relief. With a clear head I ask myself what sort of relief was I experiencing?
It seems to me like I traded something. I felt high from the smoke, yes. However, it came at a great cost. First, my performance in daily responsibilities lacked considerably. I mean, I had to try harder because I lacked "want to". Second, it's the day before rent, and I don't have a single dollar accumulated for that effort.
I find myself looking for relief in many places. I met a woman who fulfills my physical and emotional needs... or so the "stinkin' thinkin'" would have me to believe. The woman is very nice, in personality and in rationality. It isn't scriptural sound, however. The two of us are not married. I ask God to make this rough place smooth, this crooked way straight. I don't want to make any big decisions yet, except to renew my commitment to the Lord.
In my search for relief and comfort, I paused to ask, "was I so uncomfortable and uneasy that I think forbidden things relieve me?" Is there something in my life that is worse than the new sin I permitted into my life, that this new sin would bring relief? What sort of thinking would cause me to think one sin can pardon another? This is a mess. I need Jesus. What the enemy means for evil, God means for good. I accept You now, Jesus.
I claim Your courage for me, as I step out of the comfortable "norm" and take journey into the hope of a life more abundant. I will focus on this first step until You lead me onward. I follow You, Lord. I pray in Jesus' name, amen.
Post YOUR Step 1 comments below:
