Thursday, November 12, 2009
7:30 PM
Dear Mom:
I was laying on my bunk and reading about Balaam and Balak when I felt the urge to stop and write. For the last two days now I’ve been developing an understanding about God and the depth of His goodness. The entire story of the Israelites, every sense they left Egypt, has so closely paralleled my own life.
I remember several months ago when God inspired me to write the story I Am Zion. It seems to me that He has been teaching me all along to see with eyes that truly never have seen before. My comprehension is definitely deepening.
I have clearly seen that the Israelites always caused their own problems because of insubordination, unbelief, and rebellion. Murmuring was often a problem among the people, too. So it has been with me.
When Balaam had procrastinated for as long as he could; when king Balak made increases in his offers; when God finally told Balaam “go in unto Balak, tell him what I give you to say”, it was at that specific point when he and king Balak were at the high places unto Baal, overlooking the Israelites that I realized what God has been telling me.
So little had I realized how much God really is involved in my life, to protect me, to teach me, to set me upon circumstances and to divert me from circumstances, for the purpose of developing min me an unwavering trust, and unyielding faith, and an endurance in devotion to Him; for me to lean fully on Him.
Two days ago, Earl “Ed” (last name omitted) began to “beg” his dad into bonding him out. At one point, he vented some of his frustration on me when he attacked me. God made the man’s efforts totally fruitless, while at the same time He effectively removed a subtly mounting pride from my heart.
Ed did come to me and did openly apologize to me. I did receive and act upon a perfect opportunity to completely forgive him, without ANY trace of resentment. Ed did, however, begin to get louder and did more fully intimidate some of the guys to one degree of another, as the atmosphere did improve in some ways and worsen in others.
Earlier today, Ed was released on bond. S far, from that moment on, the morale of the cell has improved noticeably. I feel both relief in my own heart and clearly sense the relief in the hearts of the other guys in my cell.
Ed gave me
his coffee before he went home. He had a lot of food and clothes that the other
guys were able to share between them. I got a good pair of socks. Eric is still
helping me out until I get extradited to
